my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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