we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
