Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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