I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
