Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
