This girl is more easily done than said...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize