Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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