my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
