ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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