I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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