omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
why do cheetos always look like penises
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
