the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
