shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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