After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
