Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
