I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
