I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
