did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
