My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
