everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
