I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
