worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Randomize
