wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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