How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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