she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
