what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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