I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
