Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
