She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
