If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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