oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
People in love make me want to vomit
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize