Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize