So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
