i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
