My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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