I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
