The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
