just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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