so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
