Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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