can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
handjob tips. give me some.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
