is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
