He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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