so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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