I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
