using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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