I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
