Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
