he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
only you would photoshop your dick
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize