I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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