dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
