good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Randomize
