and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm too high and old for this...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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