Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
