I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
