I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize