I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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