his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
