Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
