So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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