I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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