My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
