So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
