...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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