You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
