Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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