just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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