Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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