First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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