We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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