One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
