whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
