At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
