3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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