when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
