so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
