I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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