We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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