it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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