i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
All the doctor said was why
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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