yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
