life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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